When I felt like Superman

(genre: mature, psychological, short story)

I love Superman. When I first discovered Superman as a kid, I never stopped reading about him. I thought to myself 'like wow, this guy's pretty awesome.' How he was able to leap the tallest building on a single bound, how he's faster than a speeding locomotive, how nothing can hurt him. I mean, he's the best. I wanted to be like him because he's unstoppable. Nothing can stop him. Well, there's the kryptonite, but that just adds drama and effect and he's never been beaten before. So, yeah, I love Superman and he's my hero. 

I wanted to be like Superman and I always bought a lot of comic books. I tried drawing him and I found it funny how he was wearing his underwear outside. But then I just kept on drawing him over and over, until I didn't mind the underwear that he wore outside. I mean does that mean he doesn't have an underwear inside? Anyway, I memorized drawing him and I loved drawing his logo. His logo is super, that's why he's called Superman. And I didn't stop there. I bought more comics and I bought more toys. Dad didn't mind, because he was rich. I got myself so much Superman stuff. Dad looked happy while I was playing. And I was very happy. 

I bought a lot of stuff with the Superman logo on it. Name it! T-shirt, my lunchbox, shoes, notebooks, my bag, even my underwear -- And I bought more comic books! Despite buying so many comic books, I wasn't able to buy the very first issue of the comic, but then Superman cartoons started to show on air. I was like totally hooked again and this time I heard Superman's voice. I tried to record my own voice and make my own plays with a tape recorder. I asked my dad to buy me one and he did. And more toys were available. But then when I asked dad to buy me a videocam, dad said no. He looked drunk and I don't know why. Maybe he had a problem. And then one day I found out that dad was at home drunk again. I wasn't sure what was happening. I asked dad what was wrong and he said that he lost his job, because he was a bad guy. I hid my Superman toy behind me, because I didn't want Superman to hear. I mean, my dad is a good guy and I know he's been working really hard. Then even though he was drunk, I hugged him tight. The next day, I didn't see dad anymore and mom came to keep me in her house.

A lot of years have passed. So much time has passed and my passion for Superman started to fade away. The joy of playing with my toys, parading my Superman shirt, showing off my Superman comic collection, started to disappear until I began selling them one by one to my friends for money. Apparently, there is something else that would make you fly indeed. And it's super. Superman began falling into the darkest corner of my mind. 

The enigma that is the fun of knowing Superman started to disappear, but it lied dormant and waited in one dark corner; no one knows what it's still doing there. Eventually, a new wind blew my world into a new direction. My world has gone gray and I've discovered that life is not what it seems to be. Who would've thought that breathing would be so complicated in the world; there are a lot of conditions and responsibilities to be fulfilled when you breathe. There's a lot of friends to impress, because you breathe. There's a lot of competition to win, because you breathe at school, because you breathe at work. There are a lot of things that demand from you for breathing. 

I began to discover the true nature of my double faced friends, my cheating wife, that the world is full of greed, that lying is normal, and discover the people who refuse to help you when you sincerely ask for help. Celebrities who are full of themselves, who are so worried what to wear when there are people starving to death. I begin to discover how corrupt the system is; we have politicians representing us in the government that are too stupid to choose not to do what's right when they already know it's the right thing to do! It's a system based on the wrong things! A system based on selfishness, pride and power. What else can we do when such bad things have become a system already?! 

The world is not what it seems. I am not who I want to be and I cannot go back to redo it. This is not my dream and I've begun to give up on it now. I became angry, because Superman did not give up. Yet a hurt comes gripping over my heart. I have been doing good and I kept fighting for the good as I know best, but I can't see the point anymore. I make little money and I can't even feed myself while keeping my home at the same time. Who else would help me? I can't take this anymore. I have a thousand mountains of problems that need to be dealt with. I stand in a scorching field that dried, and there is no shade anywhere. My mind is battered and exhausted, and it cannot think anymore. My hands are always shaking. My super friends and super family are gone and have abandoned me. A lingering pain stuck on me since forever; I cannot take it anymore.

Now I know why Superman laid dormant and waiting in my head, because right now I can't take it. The pain, the sorrow, the deception, the pressure, the failure, the regret, the disappointment, everything is broken. And I've been doing my best. I have been doing everything I can, but Superman can't reveal his true self to reveal his good works. If Superman can't reveal his identity, I guess no one would know who I truly am. And so I heard an explosion in my head. The container was shattered. There is no longer holding back. That's why on this darkest night, I'm standing right at the top of this very tall building. The view here is awesome and the wind here is the best. I like it. It's strong and my cape is fluttering along the wind. I can feel it. This is it. I put both hands up, because I'm ready. I'm ready to fly. I'm going to fly like Superman.

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